Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilising a barrier method" of some kind can kill you.
Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
- Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.You learn what to do on a date following step by step instructions.
You learn what to say when you walk up to meet her, things that actually are proven to work.My parents were even in the car for some of it, and it had them chuckling in the back seat from all the memories of my teenage years no doubt. This was really funny, even if parts of it were a little dated (no cell phones yet).It might be sexist, but as a former teenage girl, I can certainly still laugh at it, as can Jim. My daughter isn't quite to that age yet, but my son has reached teenagehood.So you learn how to walk up, what to say and how to get her attracted to you before you ask her for a date.And then he tells you what to do on the date and how to escalate a woman.Beginning with the warning signs (#5: Your car insurance suddenly costs more than the car), the book covers dating (Rule #2: Keep your hands and eyes off my daughter's body or I will remove them), the telephone (seemingly wired to her nervous system), braces (the costliest metal on earth), the first job, and more.