Bus dating show

I’M 19, AND I’M GONNA WIN ‘CAUSE I’VE GOT A [bleep] LIKE A GIANT SEQUOIA. I’M 18, AND THIS GUY’S GONNA PICK ME ‘CAUSE I’M AS CRAZY AS MY HAIR IS. I’M 20, AND GUYS LOVE ME ‘CAUSE I LOOK CORRUPTIBLE.

HE WANTS TO STRIKE A CHORD, BUT THERE ARE FOUR OTHER PIANISTS HOPING HE’LL BE PLAYING IN THE KEY OF NEXT.

bus dating show-45

EVAN, YOU’RE SO UGLY, I DIDN’T EVEN WANT YOU TO MEET MY FAMILY ANYWAY.

announcer: SINCE CARLOS WOULDN’T SHOUT, “I’M HERE, I’M QUEER,” HE CAN GO AND SHED A TEAR ON THE NEXT BUS.

Jeff: ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT’S THE RAUNCHIEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE? WE’RE GOING AT IT, AND ONE OF MY FRIENDS COMES IN, AND HE STARTS UNDRESSING HIMSELF, SO HE KIND OF JOINS. Evan: WELL, I’M A LITTLE BIT UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE WHOLE STRIPPING THING.

SHE’S LIKE, “YOU’RE NOT GAY, YOU’RE NOT GAY, YOU’RE NOT GAY.” I WAS LIKE, “YES, I AM.” SO SHE SAID, “WELL, I WANT TO [bleep] YOU SO BAD.” AND SHE, LIKE, PULLS ME AND TAKES ME INTO MY ROOM. Chris: I’M NOT HIRED THERE, BUT THEY TOLD ME TO GET UP THERE AND DO IT.

announcer: ALEX IS UP FIRST AND READY TO TICKLE THE IVORIES. Alex: YOU’RE REALLY [bleep] UGLY, AND IT’S YOUR LOSS, BITCH.

♪ LAST NIGHT ♪ ♪ I HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU ♪ ♪ IN THIS DREAM ♪ ♪ I’M DANCING ♪ ♪ RIGHT BESIDE YOU ♪ ♪ Evan: HI, I’M EVAN. Evan: YOU HAVE A REALLY WEAK HANDNDSHAKE, SO I HAVE TO SAY NEXT. DO YOU WORK OUT A LOT OR– Chris: EVERY MORNING I RUN THE BEACH. Chris: AND I ALSO STRIP AT CLUB PRESSED, SO– Evan: HMM. announcer: EVAN THE VEGAN DIDN’T WANT A BEEFCAKE FOR HIRE. EVAN, IT’S ALWAYS NICE MEETING A CLOSED-MINDED GAY MAN. Evan: I’M LOOKING FOR A PRIVATE DANCER, NOT A MAN WHORE. Chris: I WORK AT A RESORT IN SAN CLEMENTE, A TIME SHARE RESORT. I MEAN, I FIGHT FOR DOLPHINS AND STUFF LIKE THAT THROUGH THE INTERNET, DONATE MONEY AND STUFF. AND SO IT’S HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE THAT IT’S A SIN, AND BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE THAT, I REALLY HAVE TO SAY NEXT. announcer: JEFF THINKS EVAN LOOKS LIKE A WOOKIE, BUT HE’S THE ONE WHO’LL GET NO NOOKIE.