Unfortunately, partner abuse is all too common in our society.
Once we’re drawn in deep enough, another side appears. They tell us: That we’re spoilt brats, sluts or bitches. The word ‘My’ hints at wanting ownership.‘My Princess’ – again, in the right context, those words can be lovely. Or even in the first few weeks of being with someone? When he later cut me down and accused me of not being that perfect Madonna, I did all I could to prove I was worthy of his love. If I could show him I was still that special one, then perhaps that was all he needed to change and I could fix things. If you’re dating after abuse, don’t project onto someone else who you hope they’ll be in the future. The same is true for when you meet someone who is good for you, like I did with the man I am married to now. Not just sitting back and observing the man he was showing himself to be. No matter the type of abuse, the abused person suffers damage to their self-esteem.Our abusers were critical of us, and undermined our self-confidence. Denying those that were screaming at me that this relationship was no good for me. (I’ve created a whole new category for them on here). My ‘baby girl’ can be beautiful in a loving relationship.
He’d suggest I wear different clothes, or that he didn’t like my friends. I was seeing only the things that confirmed my dream of a wonderful life with him.
We can seem to freak out and get jittery or withdraw.
We can’t help it, our bodies and minds are remembering the abuse. Please be patient; we’re trying and want you to understand it’s not you, it’s our past.
Sometimes we tell ourselves what our abusers told us, like “you’re no good”, or “how could anyone love you”, or “I hit you because you deserve it.” We need time to get over the damage to our self-esteem.
You can help by understanding that sometimes when we are depressed it can be because we are hearing these thoughts.
The further down the road you go with a narcissist, the harder it is to get away from them.