“I’ve seen this a lot, that girls meet a guy without the intention of getting married, and before you know it, you’re too deep into it to get out,” she said. ” Quadery’s relationship, like those of most other young women interviewed by RNS for this story, was what she called a “modern” take on arranged marriage: She met her now-husband when their parents introduced them to each other with the intention of them getting married.The pair hit it off and tied the knot within six months.
Instead, she said, her siblings and parents did all the heavy lifting for her.
Before the couple met for the first time, they had seen each other’s photos and knew each other’s educational backgrounds, career goals, long-term life plans, level of religiosity and other potential sticking points.
Shaina Adkins told Religion News Service she has no regrets about having an arranged marriage after dating for years.
Adkins, who has been married for three years and also lives in New York City, said dating felt confusing as well as “patriarchal with little to no empowerment to the woman.” In her previous relationships, she felt like she had to “play wife” without getting any of the benefits of being a wife.
“I feel like the term gets thrown around a lot, and there’s a lot of stigma,” said a 26-year-old woman who lives on New York’s Long Island and asked that her name not be used to protect her privacy.
“But for me it’s just getting to know each other in a more public way, with your families involved rather than the more traditional Western dating.
And dozens of other options, from Salaam Swipe to Minder, are gaining traction among young Muslims looking to find a life partner while staying within the bounds of their faith.
But dating apps, and dating culture more broadly, often come with their own set of headaches.
The Long Island woman’s first meeting with her now-husband was more about level-headed evaluation than love at first sight.
“It’s more just about knowing that this person fulfills everything that I’m looking for,” she said.
For some Muslims, that means avoiding physical contact or being alone with one’s fiancé or fiancée; for others, that simply means avoiding premarital sex.