It is natural for widowers to feel guilty when first approaching dating, and they may need to adjust the pace of your relationship.
Remember that this is not a personal slight -- but a step that can ensure both of you are emotionally healthy enough to push things forward when the time is right.
LEARN ALL ABOUT GRIEF Do some research about grief, read books and talk to others in similar situations.
Know what to expect on anniversaries, birthdays and other days that were special to your new partner and his/her late spouse.
A widower may use dating as a way to heal the pain of losing his wife, or he may unconsciously be seeking a replacement for her, according to the organization Widow's Hope in its website post "Dating and Marriage." If loneliness and a desire for physical contact are his primary, or even his only, motivations for dating again, he may not be ready.
Grief can also lead a widower to avoid becoming emotionally intimate with someone else, and he may resort to withdrawing, holding grudges or sarcasm to protect himself, according to clinical psychologist Ken Druck in the e Harmony article "Finding Love After Loss: 7 Steps for Moving Forward." In those cases, it may be wise to wait longer before you begin dating him.
He want to visit the same spots they visited or spend the weekends at his former in-laws' cabin.
Gently suggesting new places to vacation, or taking on a new hobby together -- such as taking a ballroom dancing class or volunteering with a local charity -- can help the two of you bond and focus on the present, according to the Center for Behavioral Health in its website article "Things to Consider When You Marry a Widow or Widower." Your partner's family may also be resistant to his return to the dating market at first.
From what they tell me, dating a widower isn’t easy. They might also feel worried about other people’s perceptions. Physical reminders–mementos, personal effects, wedding pictures are difficult to see around the house.
In any other situation, finding a mate is all happiness, but with a widower, it can be tempered with guilt.
Also, don’t let insecurities build up about the past. It’s hurtful to feel like you can’t experience a holiday without it triggering memories of her. Anything you want to say to a widower who might be reading this? It’s important to apply the same standards to a widower as you would to any other guy.
No reasonable person expects you to forget your spouse. It’s about taking the 8 by 10 wedding photo in the foyer down, knowing that your new girlfriend has no issue with you looking at photos of your wife whenever you want. The only difference is you might need to have more patience. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling.
Not that it’s his fault, but he might forget how to date properly and might not make the effort. It is hurtful to wonder if he will ever love u as much as his late wife, if you’ll ever be the most important person to him, if his loved ones are comparing you.