We started talking, then texting, and he told me straight-up that he'd been separated for six months. I would text him something funny to start off the day, and we would spend the majority of the day talking about what made each other tick. We shared the little things, the childhood things, the adult things, the big things.
I have told him I support him 100% in whatever he needs to figure things out in his life.
I know that he needs to do this in order to truly be able to pursue a future with me.
There is always an exception but they are few and far between.
I was newly single and in my mid-twenties, and after weeks of being told that it was time to put myself back out there, I decided that there was no harm in using Tinder. His marriage was over, and it had been over for some time, even before the separation, he said. We shared shreds of information, the things that make us who we are. Me: living together with a long-term partner whom I loved but didn't see myself with in the future.
It's easy to whip up a few seemingly innocuous lines, slap your most flattering photos up there and swipe away. We spent hours in bed, talking, hooking up, and breaking for more conversation. He was perfectly imperfect, perfect in his imperfections. Him: trying to navigate how to co-parent while figuring out his marriage was truly over. There were red flags all over the damn place, but choosing to ignore them felt better than acknowledging that there were real potential problems hovering beneath the surface. I knew that I was willingly making myself into a sidepiece. I knew better than to sleep with him, but I did it anyway– until I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to find someone that felt good to be around.
If you come across as a normal human being and not an over-sexualized creep during the first conversation, well, then you are already ahead of the curve.
Love is when TWO people are committed to each other by choice every single day, not when one person has tingly thoughts and can’t let go of a complicated situation. I couldn’t tell you if he’s going to go back to his wife, move out, or how quickly he’ll be able to move on.
I can tell you that these are decisions that are dependent on what’s right for HIM, not what’s right for YOU.
Love is what happens AFTER this obsession goes away.
Love is what happens AFTER the smoke has cleared and you can assess your relationship properly. For all I know, you are wonderful together — true star-crossed lovers, that, in different circumstances, may have a chance. Objectively, you chose a man who is both physically and emotionally unavailable to you — and while he is in no rush to get married again, you’re putting your entire life on hold for him.
Unfortunately, he is married (separated) and getting divorced.