dating after the first date One line jokes on dating

“When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed and wondered where my brother was.” – Mitch Hedberg 5.

“It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.” – Jack Handey 6.

“I was going to tell you a joke about my vagina, but you will never get it.” – Unknown 32.

one line jokes on dating-20

“It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.” – Unknown 27. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis 35. “There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.” – Doug Stanhope 48. “The liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.” – Lenny Bruce 51. “The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.” – Jay Leno 54. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” – Jerry Seinfeld 56. I haven’t seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse.” – Joan Rivers 57.

“Consider the daffodil…and while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, going through your stuff.” – Jack Handy 28. “They lie about marijuana: ‘Marijuana makes you unmotivated.’ Lie. I said ‘It’s nice to see so many bums on seats.’” – Jimmy Carr 41. I used to teach class like this, – Maragaret Cho 43. “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.” – George Carlin 52. “I can’t wait till Sunday, I’m gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece…” – Sarah Silverman 55.

“I don’t want to be part of a club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx 19. She used to like to dress up like herself, and act like a fucking bitch all the time.” – Bo Burnham 20. got a full house and 4 people died.” – Steven Wright 21.

“I tried to change my password to penis but they said it was too short.’ – Unknown 22.

“The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.” – Unknown 25. “I’m on a whiskey diet…I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper 46.

“Sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up.” – Unknown 26. In Seattle, they have a saying: ‘If you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'” – Doug Benson 47. “I had to stop drinking, cause I got tired of waking up in my car driving 90.” – Richard Pryor 50.“My girlfriend used to smoke after sex, so we started using lube.” – Jimmy Carr 23.“Circumcision is popular because Jewish girls won’t touch anything that’s not at least 15% off.” – Unknown 24.“My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. “The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin 13.“I have the world’s largest collection of seashells, you may have seen it, I keep it scattered on beaches all over.” – Unknown 14.“I don’t have a girlfriend, but I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.” – Unknown 7. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.” – Unknown 8.