My attention was too divided to make any substantive progress; I couldn’t focus on any one thing because I was trying to focus on oing to bars and hitting on women made it difficult to figure out where I was going wrong. Or maybe she didn’t like me and I didn’t pick up on it.Did this person not respond because I was too pushy? There was no real way to troubleshoot what I was doing wrong because there were too many variables.
That’s why it’s important to find ways to integrate practicing the skills you want to develop into your everyday life.Fortunately, when it comes to dating, those opportunities are Let’s go back to the example of cold approaches.It’s part of the binary-view of social skills that guys tend to get brought up in; you’re good with women or you aren’t. You can point to the world at being unfair or complain that other people demonize your natural-if-awkwardly-expressed desires. As it turned out, the way I was practicing slowed me down.It absolves you, in many ways, of having to do any self-examination. Without meaning to, I had actually made things more difficult.After all, not everybody is going to start at the same place.
We all have our natural aptitudes and weaknesses, and we all have areas that require more work than others.Having a brief conversation with somebody is a great way to develop those skills.It’s low-stakes (you’re not invested in the outcome) and it’s low risk (the worst case scenario is that they ignore you).It didn’t help that I wasn’t sure what I needed to actually work on.Part of what slows us down when we’re learning how to date – or want to date better – is that we tend to focus on the wrong things.At it’s core, a cold approach is just starting a conversation with someone.